I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired
jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him
So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:
John Mulaney – early 20th century
Eric Andre – Probably 17th century or so.
Taika Waititi – Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare
Keanu Reeves – We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.
Jeff Goldblum – 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.
Tommy Wiseau – Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.
one of my favorite weird history moments has got to be when american agents tasked with nixon’s security while he was in the soviet union as vice president under eisenhower detected unusual amounts of radiation in his hotel room so they discussed it loudly to each other to make sure the soviets knew that they knew since there were obviously bugs everywhere and the next day it just mysteriously went away and they never learned any more about it
life during the cold war was just whatever
The Soviets: What if we irradiated Nixon to try and give him radiation poisoning
Secret Service Agents the room over: WOW NIXONS ROOM SURE IS RADIOACTIVE! I SURE HOPE WE CAN FIGURE OUT WHERE ALL THIS RADIATION IS COMING FROM. THE RADIATION IN NIXON’S ROOM THAT IS. THE ONE WE’RE MONITORING SO CLOSELY WE EVEN BOTHERED TO TEST FOR RADIATION LEVELS.
The Soviets: fuck shit abort theyre onto us abort
When the crew of ASTP was in Russia they started talking to the furniture about how shitty the beer was and how bored they were and the next day their room was stocked with really expensive beer and an old pool table.
Mike Mullane had a story in Riding Rockets about going to East Berlin at one point, where a bunch of Air Force guys start bullshitting into a restaurant’s potted plant about some fictitious supersonic bomber.
one of my favorite threats is “youre not invited to my birthday party anymore”.
from ages 4 to 11 its one of the most heinous things you can say, then 12 through 17 its just embarassing cuz teenz think that thats a childish thing to say, but from 18 onward, it only gets more and more effective, if only because it confuses the person youre speaking to.
its like a verbal smoke bomb. it catches them off guard and disorients them to the point that they might not even know how to react.
nice 